Category: Parenting

WHY DO CHILDREN LIE? UNDERSTANDING THE REASONS BEHIND THEIR DECEPTION

WHY DO CHILDREN LIE? UNDERSTANDING THE REASONS BEHIND THEIR DECEPTION

Posted on by Dr. Stephanie Leon

WHY DO CHILDREN LIE? UNDERSTANDING THE REASONS BEHIND THEIR DECEPTION

It’s a common frustration for parents when they discover their child has lied. Children often lie for various reasons—whether to avoid punishment, gain attention, or due to their vivid imagination. While this behavior is a normal part of growing up, understanding the underlying motives can help parents respond in the most supportive way.

Recognizing why children lie provides insight into their feelings and needs. For example, a child might fib about finishing their homework to avoid parental nagging. By understanding these motives, parents can guide their children toward honesty in a way that nurtures trust rather than damaging it.

Parents might feel angry or hurt when they discover their child has lied, but it’s important to stay calm and handle the situation with care. Open conversations about honesty and the importance of telling the truth foster better communication and strengthen the parent-child bond. When parents understand the “why” behind the lie, they are in a better position to support their child in developing honest communication skills.

Understanding Child Psychology and Lying

Children’s reasons for lying are often tied to their developmental stage and social environment. As they mature, their understanding of truth and deception becomes more nuanced, and emotional and social factors also play a role in why they may choose to lie.

Cognitive Development and Truth-Telling

Cognitive development plays a significant role in a child’s ability to distinguish between truth and falsehood. In early childhood, children often struggle to differentiate between reality and fantasy. This stage, marked by “magical thinking,” can sometimes result in unintentional lies.

As children grow older, their ability to understand deception improves. By ages 4 or 5, many children can grasp that others have different thoughts and feelings—a cognitive milestone known as theory of mind. This understanding is crucial for learning about the consequences of lying.

At this age, it’s common for children to lie to avoid punishment or gain approval. Peer pressure can also contribute to dishonesty, as children begin to observe and mimic the behavior of adults and peers.

Emotional and Social Factors

Emotions significantly influence a child’s tendency to lie. Fear of disappointing parents, experiencing shame, or facing consequences may prompt a child to tell a lie. For instance, a child might lie about breaking a toy to avoid being scolded.

Social dynamics also play an essential role. As children interact with peers, they learn about social acceptance and may lie to fit in or appear more interesting. Attention-seeking behaviors, like exaggerating stories, can be common, particularly in social settings. Additionally, children may lie to protect someone else’s feelings, such as complimenting a friend’s artwork even if they don’t like it, showing empathy in these social contexts.

Understanding these emotional and social factors allows parents and caregivers to address the root causes of dishonesty and help children develop more honest communication habits.

Parental Responses

When a child lies, the consequences can vary, so it’s essential for parents to respond thoughtfully. Understanding the motivations behind the lie helps in guiding a constructive response that supports the child’s growth.

Effective Strategies for Addressing Lies

To address dishonesty, parents should foster open communication. Children need a safe environment to express themselves without fear of harsh judgment. Encouraging honesty through positive reinforcement is vital—praising children explicitly when they tell the truth can reinforce this behavior.

Another effective strategy involves discussing the reasons behind the lie. Asking questions to understand the feelings or circumstances that led to the dishonesty teaches empathy and helps the child understand the impact of their actions.

Setting clear expectations about honesty is equally important. Parents should explain why honesty is essential, what the consequences of lying are, and how truthful communication builds trust in relationships.

Additional Readings

HealthyChildren.org: When Your Child Lies This article highlight the importance of understanding the developmental stage of the child and offer strategies for addressing dishonesty without damaging the parent-child relationship. They stress the role of open communication and the need for consistent consequences.

Child Mind Institute: Why Kids Lie and How to Handle It Their articles discuss why children lie, what it means for their development, and how to address it through empathy, clear expectations, and reinforcing honesty.

Books:

The Whole-Brain Child by Dr. Daniel Siegel

How to Talk So Kids Will Listen & Listen So Kids Will Talk by Adele Faber and Elaine Mazlish

Seek Professional Help

If you are struggling with your child’s lying, consider seeking help from a mental health professional, such as a therapist or psychologist, specialized in treating children and adolescents.

Explore online child psychotherapy services and online adolescent psychotherapy services at the Leon Psychology Clinic. Our psychologists can help you with managing your child’s challenging behaviours, including frequent lying.

Frequently Asked Questions

– Why do children lie even when they know it’s wrong?

Children may lie to avoid consequences, gain attention, or protect their feelings. At times, they may not fully grasp the long-term consequences of dishonesty, especially when they are still learning about social dynamics and how others perceive their actions. Understanding their developmental stage helps parents respond appropriately.

– How can I encourage my child to be more honest?

To encourage honesty, create a safe space where your child feels comfortable expressing themselves without fear of harsh judgment. Praise truth-telling when it occurs, and use it as an opportunity to talk about the importance of honesty. Additionally, try to understand the reasons behind their lie by having calm, open discussions.

– Is it normal for a child to lie at a certain age?

Yes, it is completely normal for children to lie at various stages of development. Younger children often lie due to their vivid imagination or to avoid punishment. As they grow older, they begin to understand the social implications of their behavior, and lies may be motivated by peer pressure or the desire to fit in. Understanding these developmental milestones can help parents respond with patience and guidance.

In Summary

Lying is a natural part of child development, and understanding the underlying reasons for it can help parents respond in a constructive way. Whether it’s to avoid punishment, gain approval, or fit in socially, each instance of dishonesty provides an opportunity to guide children toward honesty and self-expression. By fostering open communication, teaching empathy, and setting clear expectations, parents can help their children understand the value of truthfulness and build stronger, trusting relationships.

Dr. Stephanie Leon

Dr. Leon is a clinical psychologist and neuropsychologist practicing in the province of Ontario and Quebec. She works with children, teens, and their parents to address emotional, behavioural, and cognitive difficulties. Dr. Leon provides online psychology services through the Leon Psychology Clinic.

Learn more about Dr. Leon
REWARD CHARTS FOR POSITIVE REINFORCEMENT: WHAT NOT TO DO

REWARD CHARTS FOR POSITIVE REINFORCEMENT: WHAT NOT TO DO

Posted on by Dr. Stephanie Leon

REWARD CHARTS FOR POSITIVE REINFORCEMENT: WHAT NOT TO DO

Imagine your child lighting up with pride as they place a sticker on their reward chart, feeling recognized for a job well done. Reward charts, sometimes called behavior charts, can be fantastic tools for reinforcing positive behaviors in children. When used effectively, these charts help children build habits like tidying up, following routines, or practicing kindness. However, without careful planning, they can lead to frustration for both caregivers and kids, sometimes undermining the very behaviors they’re meant to encourage.

This article explores common mistakes in using reward charts and behavior charts for positive reinforcement, helping caregivers maximize their effectiveness while avoiding common pitfalls. With the right approach, these positive reinforcement tools can support lasting behavioral growth and self-motivation in children.

10 Common Pitfalls

1. Using a Chart to Reinforce a Developing Skill

Positive reinforcement charts should be reserved for behaviors that a child is already capable of doing. They are not appropriate for teaching entirely new skills. A common example is potty training: parents might try using a chart, but if the child hasn’t yet demonstrated the ability to get to the toilet, sit, do their business, and get dressed independently, it’s too early for a reinforcement chart. A good rule of thumb is that the child should already perform the desired behavior successfully at least 25% of the time before introducing a behavior chart.

2. Introducing a Sticker Chart Too Early

Related to the first point, introducing a sticker chart prematurely, before natural reinforcers like praise and attention have been fully utilized, can be counterproductive. Caregiver attention and praise are the most powerful reinforcers. Parents should make a good effort to rely on these natural reinforcers before implementing a sticker chart.

3. Reinforcing an Already Established Behavior

Some caregivers worry that using reinforcement could make children dependent on external rewards. When done correctly, this shouldn’t be an issue. To avoid over-reliance on external rewards, it’s important to phase out or reduce reinforcers once the behavior is consistently successful (about 85% of the time). At this point, intrinsic motivation—such as personal values—should take over. Many behaviors, like brushing teeth, may not reach 100% consistency; occasional lapses are normal and not necessarily detrimental.

4. Choosing Rewards that Are Too Large

Reinforcers should be small (e.g., a sticker, a smiley face, staying up 10 minutes later, or a single gummy). If rewards are too large, they may reduce the child’s long-term motivation. For older children (5+), accumulating smaller tokens toward a larger reward (like a small toy, an extra movie night, or a special meal) can be effective without undermining intrinsic motivation.

5. Inconsistent Use of the Chart

Consistency is crucial for reinforcement charts to work effectively. If a caregiver sometimes rewards a behavior and other times ignores it, the child may become confused or less motivated. Consistency helps reinforce the connection between the behavior and the reward. Caregivers should be prepared to follow through every time a desired behavior occurs—especially when the chart is first introduced.

6. Not Phasing Out the Chart Gradually

When a child has shown they can perform the behavior consistently, it’s important to slowly phase out the chart rather than abruptly stopping. Gradual reduction (e.g., giving a sticker every few times instead of every single time) can help transition the child from needing external rewards to developing internal motivation. Abruptly stopping may cause a regression in behavior.

7. Focusing Too Much on the Chart

Sometimes, caregivers can become so focused on the chart itself that they inadvertently neglect the social interaction that’s meant to come with it. It’s important to couple the chart with genuine praise and connection, which enhances the child’s feeling of accomplishment. A reinforcement chart is a tool, not a replacement for positive engagement and encouragement.

8. Using the Chart for Too Many Behaviors

Reinforcement charts are most effective when they target a small number of specific behaviors, ideally one or two at a time. Overloading the chart with too many goals can overwhelm the child and dilute the chart’s effectiveness. Focusing on one specific behavior lets children understand what’s expected of them and makes the reward process simpler and more achievable.

9. Making Rewards Too Complex or Delayed

For younger children especially, rewards should be immediate or given on the same day to help them connect the reward with the behavior. Delayed rewards (like end-of-week prizes) can be too abstract for younger children, who may lose motivation. Instead, focus on small, immediate rewards and consider slightly longer reward intervals only as the child gets older and more capable of understanding delayed gratification.

10. Using the Chart as a Substitute for Teaching

Some caregivers may rely on a chart instead of teaching and modeling desired behaviors directly. For a behavior to truly become part of the child’s routine, it’s important to explain, model, and practice the behavior with the child. Reinforcement charts should supplement—not replace—active teaching, practice, and encouragement.

Additional Readings

Child Mind Institute guides cover topics like setting clear, age-appropriate goals, choosing the right rewards, and gradually phasing out external rewards as children build intrinsic motivation.

Parenting for Brain provides a deep dive into the psychology behind reward systems and reinforcement, discussing potential pitfalls and how to avoid undermining intrinsic motivation. Topics like “token economy” systems and chore charts are covered.

Understood.org offers specific advice on using behavior charts for children who may need additional support with focus, behavior, or impulse control. It includes practical advice on adjusting reward systems for different needs and settings, such as home and school.

Books:

The Whole-Brain Child by Dr. Daniel Siegel

How to Talk So Kids Will Listen & Listen So Kids Will Talk by Adele Faber and Elaine Mazlish

Seek Professional Help

If you are struggling to set up or maintaining a positive behaviour chart, consider seeking help from a mental health professional, such as a therapist or psychologist, specialized in treating children and adolescents.

Explore online child psychotherapy services and online adolescent psychotherapy services at the Leon Psychology Clinic. Our psychologists can help you with managing your child’s challenging behaviours, which may include a reward chart to promote alternate acceptable behaviours.

Frequently Asked Questions

– How long should I use a sticker chart for a specific behavior?

Sticker charts are meant to be temporary. Ideally, the chart should be phased out once the child is performing the behavior consistently, around 85% of the time. Gradually reducing the frequency of rewards will help the child shift from relying on external motivation to developing internal motivation.

– What if my child loses interest in the chart?

If your child loses interest, try assessing the reward type and consistency. Ensure that the rewards are meaningful to the child and that praise or small rewards are given promptly. You might also consider setting shorter-term goals to keep the child engaged, such as rewarding smaller steps toward the behavior instead of waiting for a long-term result.

– Can I use the chart to reduce unwanted behaviors?

Positive reinforcement charts are designed to increase positive behaviors, not directly reduce unwanted ones. For reducing undesired behaviors, focus on teaching and reinforcing alternative positive behaviors, like offering praise for using ”gentle hands” if the child tends to hit, rather than attempting to eliminate hitting directly with a chart.

In Summary

Positive reinforcement charts can be powerful tools for encouraging desired behaviors in children when used thoughtfully and consistently. By avoiding common pitfalls—such as introducing the chart too early, using rewards that are too large, or relying too heavily on the chart—caregivers can maximize the effectiveness of positive reinforcement. Remember, the ultimate goal is to guide children toward intrinsic motivation, making them proud of their actions and helping them develop lasting, positive habits.

Dr. Stephanie Leon

Dr. Leon is a clinical psychologist and neuropsychologist practicing in the province of Ontario and Quebec. She works with children, teens, and their parents to address emotional, behavioural, and cognitive difficulties. Dr. Leon provides online psychology services through the Leon Psychology Clinic.

Learn more about Dr. Leon
EXECUTIVE FUNCTIONS DEMYSTIFIED: STRATEGIES TO IMPROVE ORGANIZATION, TASK COMPLETION, AND MORE

EXECUTIVE FUNCTIONS DEMYSTIFIED: STRATEGIES TO IMPROVE ORGANIZATION, TASK COMPLETION, AND MORE

Posted on by Dr. Stephanie Leon

EXECUTIVE FUNCTIONS DEMYSTIFIED: STRATEGIES TO IMPROVE ORGANIZATION, TASK COMPLETION, AND MORE

Executive functions encompass a set of cognitive skills that enable individuals to manage and regulate their thoughts, actions, and emotions effectively.

Individuals grappling with executive function challenges often encounter difficulties with disorganization, procrastination, forgetfulness, and an inability to follow through with plans.

Your brain is an Orchestra

Imagine your brain as an orchestra, and the executive functions as the conductor sitting at the very front of the brain (behind your forehead). Just as a conductor directs and coordinates every musician in an orchestra to play harmoniously together, your executive functions oversee and manage various mental processes in your brain.

The conductor (executive functions) decides which instruments (cognitive skills) need to play at what time, sets the tempo, and ensures that every section of the orchestra follows the musical score (your goals or tasks).

When the conductor is skilled and in sync with the orchestra, the music flows smoothly. Similarly, when your executive functions are working well, you can manage your time effectively, solve problems efficiently, control your actions and emotions, and switch between tasks seamlessly.

However, if the conductor is struggling or absent, the orchestra may become disorganized, playing out of tune, missing cues, and generally sounding awful. Similarly, when your executive functions are impaired or challenged, you might become disorganised, make errors, feel overwhelmed and dysregulated leading to a sense of chaos or inefficiency in your daily life.

Types of Executive Functions

– Planning and Organization:

Planning involves setting goals, outlining the steps needed to achieve them, and prioritizing tasks based on urgency or importance. On the other hand, organization involves approaching tasks and information systematically. We all have different internal organizational systems that dictate our thoughts (e.g., using weekdays to conceptualise time), belongings (e.g., organizing clothes by season or colour) and actions (e.g., internalized habits as to how to greet others depending on how well you know them). When we don’t, things feel chaotic and random.

– Self-Monitoring:

Self-monitoring involves assessing one’s performance and progress toward goals. We need to constantly monitor what has just been accomplished and what comes next. For example, if completing a recipe, you need to know what you have done previously to know what step you need to do next.

– Initiation and Task Completion:

Initiation refers to the ability to muster appropriate abilities to motivate oneself to begin a task. In other words, the opposite of procrastination. Then, as the task nears completion, you need to evaluate your final output against the initial goal. This evaluation stage involves assessing your performance and identify areas for improvement.

– Cognitive Flexibility:

To be successful, we need to adjust or adapt our behaviour and output based on changing circumstances or unforeseen obstacles. Cognitive flexibility is therefore the ability to inhibit a previous set of behaviours and then shift strategies or problem-solve in real-time.

– Emotional Regulation:

Emotional regulation involves managing emotions effectively to navigate challenges and maintain focus. Although frustration, stress, and boredom are normal we need to overcome these rather than be consumed by our feelings. Emotional regulation involves acknowledging our emotions and using coping strategies to enable us to accomplish what we need to do.

What can I do about it?

There are several strategies that you can use to accommodate for and to develop your executive functions. Practical ways to do this includes:

  • Keep Consistent Routines: Consistency reduces mental load. Develop and stick to routines for daily tasks (for example morning routines, nighttime routines) so that you can have more mental energy and bandwidth for more demanding tasks in your day.
  • To-Do Lists and Planners: Create lists of daily or weekly tasks and allocate specific time slots for each task. Use tools like to-do lists, calendars, and planners.
  • Prioritize: Learn to prioritize your tasks based on timing, urgency, importance, and other factors. Adjust your priorities to changing situations.
  • Keep a tidy and organized space: A cluttered environment adds to your mental load. Regularly plan a time to declutter one part of your home. Make sure that the belongings that you frequently use are always kept in places that makes sense of its use.
  • Set Reminders and Alarms: Use technology to set reminders or alarms to prompt task initiation or transitions between activities.
  • Mindfulness: Practice mindfulness techniques such as deep breathing, meditation, or mindfulness-based exercises to slow down and enhance self-monitoring and regulation.
  • Stop-Think-Go Method: Before taking action, take a moment to pause, assess what needs to be done, consider potential challenges, and then proceed with a clear plan of action.
  • Do One Task at a Time: Multitasking is a myth. Do one task at a time and shut off any distractions.
  • Breaking Down Tasks: Break down complex tasks or information into smaller, more manageable chunks to prevent overwhelm and facilitate better understanding.
  • Visual Aids: Use visual aids, such as color-coding, visual routines, or step-by-step, to enhance organization and memory for next steps.
  • Accountability: Engage with a teacher, family member, trusted friend, or colleague, who can offer support, encouragement, and help maintain accountability for task completion.
  • Rewards and Reinforcements: Setting specific deadlines and goals and rewarding oneself upon task completion can also reinforce positive behavior.
  • Pacing: Taking regular scheduled breaks throughout the day and during tasks can reduce burnout, distractibility and feeling overwhelmed. Many individuals also use the Pomodoro to maximize productivity.
  • Keep a journal: Organize your thoughts and ideas in a journal. Make notes of your feelings, needs and emotions.
  • Work with a therapist or psychologist: Learn to attend to your body cues and emotions. Learn tools to regulate your emotions and make choices/decisions based on your priorities and values.

Remember that just as a conductor guides the orchestra to create beautiful music, strong executive functions orchestrate your thoughts, emotions, and behaviours enabling you to navigate life’s challenges more smoothly.

Get Help: Neuropsychological Intervention

Are you ready to take the next step in supporting your executive functions? Dr. Leon is an experienced neuropsychologist. Explore our online neuropsychological intervention services today and discover the transformative impact they can have on your life.

Frequently Asked Questions

Why are Executive Functions important?

Poor executive functioning can manifest itself in interpersonal relationships, work environments, and academic pursuits, impeding success and causing frustration. Developing solid strategies to enhance these abilities can improve performance and well-being.

Do I have executive functioning difficulties?

If you find yourself having the following problems, you might have poor executive functioning:

  • Having a messy home and often misplacing or losing your belongings?
  • Always arriving late and disorganized to meetings/events/activities?
  • Feeling easily overwhelmed by daily tasks at school or at work?
  • Feeling like you can’t juggle different aspects of your life?
  • Frequently avoiding making plans in advance and just ‘winging it’?
  • Procrastinating or giving up easily on almost everything?
  • Moving from one task/activity/idea/project to another without finishing anything?
  • Easily frustrated, stressed or bored by daily tasks?

Are executive functions related to ADHD?

Although executive dysfunction is not a criteria for diagnosis, it is widely recognized that many individuals with ADHD have trouble with executive functions. Those with mental health and cognitive disorders can also experience significant difficulties with executive functioning skills. But more importantly, anyone can benefit from the suggestions in this article, whether to support difficulties or to increase their performance.

Is it possible to have difficulty in one area of executive functions but not another?

Executive functions is a broad umbrella term that encompasses several related but distinct cognitive processes. You can certainly have an isolated deficit in one or two areas, but not in others. This being said, individuals with significant deficits in excutive functions tend to have deficits in almost all areas.

In Summary

Executive functions encompass a set of mental skills that facilitate goal-directed behavior, including abilities like planning, organization, problem-solving, and self-control. Executive functions are the brain’s orchestra conductor which can make beautiful music when coordinated but make things sound chaotic when not. When our conductor is struggling, we need to use external strategies to help us manage tasks, adapt to new situations, and achieve long-term goals in both academic and everyday settings.

dr. stephanie leon online child psychologist neuropsychologist in ontario quebec

Dr. Stephanie Leon

Dr. Leon is a clinical psychologist and neuropsychologist practicing in the province of Ontario and Quebec. She works with children, teens, and their parents to address emotional, behavioural, and cognitive difficulties. Dr. Leon offers online psychology and neuropsychology services through the Leon Psychology Clinic.

Learn more about Dr. Leon

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HOW OUR MINDS FILTER INFORMATION: UNDERSTANDING INATTENTION

HOW OUR MINDS FILTER INFORMATION: UNDERSTANDING INATTENTION

Posted on by Dr. Stephanie Leon

HOW OUR MINDS FILTER INFORMATION: UNDERSTANDING INATTENTION

Imagine that your brain’s capacity to pay attention is like a camping headlight. When you’re focused, that headlight shines bright on what you’re doing. But for some people, this headlight flickers or doesn’t stay on one thing for long. In other words, inattention is difficulty keeping that mental headlight steady and on the task at hand.

Inattention can also be conceptualized as a filter problem. You brain needs to ignore and suppress thousands of pieces of information (called stimuli) throughout the day, from how clothes feels on your skin to the buzzing of lights, to be able to selectively attend to what is needed in the moment. In those with inattention, the filter is too loose and lets too many irrelevant pieces of information pass through which are then distracting.

Causes of inattention

Inattention is a cognitive process that is very vulnerable to internal and external conditions. This means that our ability to focus and filter out irrelevant information will vary depending on our needs, mood, health, and events around us. We are more likely to have trouble focusing if we are:

  • Tired
  • Hungry
  • Too hot or too cold
  • Anxious, worried or stressed
  • Down, sad or depressed
  • In pain
  • Have hormonal fluctuations (for example, during pregnancy, menopause and andropause)

These factors are normal and reversible. However, some individual’s attention is impaired due to neurodevelopmental factors (most common being ADHD) or aquired factors (e.g., brain injury, dementia, and chronic conditions like diabetes). In these cases, inattention is something the person struggles with on a daily basis and significantly impacts their day to day life.

What inattention looks like in everyday life

Common problems that individuals with inattention encounter include:

  • Forgetfulness: Frequently forget meetings, appointments, important tasks, loses belongings, or has trouble remembering what was said or what they just did. Note that forgetfulness related to inattention is different from a true memory problem.
  • Taking a long time to complete tasks: Because they are often distracted those with inattention have trouble completing tasks and may need more time to finish what is asked of them.
  • Avoiding tasks requiring sustained attention: They might avoid activities that need longer focus, like studying for exams or reading lengthy texts. On the contrary, they might move from one activity (project, task, idea) to another very quickly.
  • Daydreaming: They might tend to get lost in their thoughts, thinking about something else than what is being discussed in conversation.
  • Making careless mistakes: Rush through work or overlook details due to a lack of attention to instructions, rather than because they are truly not able to complete the task.
  • Difficulty doing what is asked: Struggling to follow multi-step instructions which leads to asking the same questions repeatedly, feeling overwhelmed and looking disorganized.

Because of their difficulties completing tasks, individuals with inattention are often labelled as ”lazy” or ”oppositional”. On the contrary, many individuals with inattention have to work twice as hard as others to complete tasks and should take pride in their achievements even if it took them longer or if they had to take a longer path to get to their end goal.

Can therapy help with inattention?

In therapy, addressing inattention often involves cognitive and behavioral strategies to improve focus, attention, and organizational skills. Therapists may employ techniques such as mindfulness training, behavior modification, and coaching on time management to help individuals manage and reduce inattentive symptoms. Additionally, therapy can provide a supportive environment to explore underlying issues contributing to inattention and develop personalized strategies to enhance concentration and overall functioning.

At the Leon Psychology Clinic our skilled therapists and psychologists are ready to help you are your child improve focus and well-being.

Frequently Asked Questions

I am a teacher or daycare provider, what can I do to help children with inattention in class?

  1. Preferential Seating: The child’s seat should be located in such a way to minimize distractions. Usually near the teacher and away from doors and windows is preferred.
  2. Shared Attention: Ensure that you have the child’s attention before providing instructions by making eye contact and/or positioning yourself at eye level.
  3. Clear and Visual Instructions: When providing instructions, make sure they are short, simple, and clear. Supplement instructions with pictures, graphs, and key words.
  4. Repetition and Reminders: Instructions will need to be repeated and the child with benefit from reminders to reinforce learning. Provide these in a neutral tone.
  5. Access to a Quiet Room: Allow the child to complete lengthy assignments and exams in a room free of distractions, such as a quiet room or resource room.
  6. Movement: Some children and teens may use movement or other self-stimulation to improve their focus. This might include doodling, using fidgets, humming, etc. If it is unintrusive to other students, allow the student to use this strategy.
  7. Noise-Cancelling Headphones: Permit the use of noise-cancelling headphones to reduce noise distractibility during individual work.
  8. Access to Recorded Materials: Provide access to recorded lectures, outlines, notes from peers/ teachers, or tools like a smartpen (e.g., LiveScribe) to review missed information.
  9. Use Engaging or Multimodal Learning Approaches: Provide highly engaging and varied learning approaches such as auditory, visual, and hands-on activities to maintain focus.
  10. Positive Reinforcement: Providing incentives, such as additional time on a preferred activity or special permission, can help increase motivation on non-preferred tasks.

I am a parent of an inattentive child, what strategies can I use at home?

  1. Shared Attention: Avoid giving instructions from across the room or while they are actively engrossed on a task. Make sure you are near them and making eye contact.
  2. Clear and Visual Instructions: Provide one instruction at a time. Make sure each instruction is short, simple and in words the child can understand. Refer to pictures or graphs to aid in task completion for routine tasks.
  3. Repetition and Reminders: Instructions and expectations will need to be repeated often. Reminders will be necessary to reinforce learning. Provide these in a neutral, non-judgemental tone.
  4. Frequent Check-ins: You will need to include more check-ins to make sure your child is on the right path when completing a task.
  5. Positive Reinforcement: Offer praise, encouragement, and rewards for efforts (not just accomplishments) to help boost the child’s motivation and self-esteem. Incentives, such as additional time on a preferred activity or special permission, can help increase motivation on tasks that are long and arduous.
  6. Dedicated and Quiet Workspace: Set up a quiet workspace for your child at home away from the busy areas of your home (for example facing a blank wall, not near the TV). Noise-cancelling headphones can help with auditory distractions.
  7. Limit Screen Time: Although excessive screen time does not cause inattention, it can contribute to distractibility and being unmotivated to work on difficult tasks. Set reasonable limits on screen time and encourage breaks from electronic devices.
  8. Encourage Physical Activity: Incorporate regular physical activities or exercise into the child’s routine. Exercise can help reduce restlessness and improve focus.
  9. Practice sleep hygiene: Make sure your child or teen goes to bed within the same 30-minute window of time every night. Shut off electronics 1 hour before bed.
  10. Healthy Eating: Make sure your child has a balanced diet. Breakfast appears to be the most important meal in terms of cognitive abilities and some research suggests that a high protein breakfast (e.g., eggs or meat) is best for attention and learning in children.

Does everyone who have inattention have ADHD?

No. Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder (ADHD) – including inattentive type, hyperactive type and combined type – is a neurodevelopmental disorder. Meaning that it arises due to brain differences that occur in the perinatal or early childhood period. Most often, the brain develops differently because of the person’s genes and gene interaction with the environment. For this reason, you might hear of terms such as neurodiversity or neuroatypicality when discussing ADHD. If inattention is present after this early period in the brain development, it is typically acquired (for example due to a medical condition, or head injury) or can arise as a response to stress, trauma, and mental health disorders. Although experts are divided on this issue, this is not true ADHD. Aquired or later life inattention symptoms can nevertheless significantly impact functioning and deserve to be treated with the same tools as those available for ADHD.

In Summary

Inattention refers to the difficulty in maintaining focus, staying on task, or being easily distracted, often leading to trouble completing assignments or following instructions. It can manifest as a core symptom in conditions like attention-deficit/hyperactivity disorder (ADHD) but may also occur independently due to various factors such as stress, fatigue, or health conditions.

dr. stephanie leon online child psychologist neuropsychologist in ontario quebec

Dr. Stephanie Leon

Dr. Leon is a clinical psychologist and neuropsychologist practicing in the province of Ontario and Quebec. She works with children, teens, and their parents to address emotional, behavioural, and cognitive difficulties. Dr. Leon provides online psychology services through the Leon Psychology Clinic.

Learn more about Dr. Leon
BACK TO SCHOOL ISSUES: WHAT YOU NEED TO KNOW ABOUT AFTER-SCHOOL MELTDOWNS

BACK TO SCHOOL ISSUES: WHAT YOU NEED TO KNOW ABOUT AFTER-SCHOOL MELTDOWNS

Posted on by Dr. Stephanie Leon

All you need to know about after-school restraint collapse!

BACK TO SCHOOL ISSUES: WHAT YOU NEED TO KNOW ABOUT AFTER-SCHOOL MELTDOWNS

It’s 3:30 p.m. Your child(ren) or teen(s) are coming off the bus or being picked up at school. Although your child or teen is usually all smiles and laughs, they look sullen or downcast. They ignore you.

Within minutes of getting home, the peace is shattered by crying, screaming, and fighting.

What is after-school restraint collapse?

After a long day of learning, it’s only natural for kids and teens to want to let off some steam. But for some, this escalates to full meltdowns. This has been coined ‘‘after-school restraint collapse’’.

These meltdowns can be caused by many things, including fatigue, hunger, and overstimulation. But they can also be a sign that your child or teen is struggling to cope with the multiple demands of school life.

What are common signs?

  • Angry, irritable, grumpy
  • Sullen, downcast
  • Silent, doesn’t respond or engage
  • Disrespectful, snarky, looking for an argument
  • Getting upset, crying, meltdown about little things

Dealing with your angry, disrespectful, or silent kid

For many parents, the after-school hours can be the most challenging part of the day. What can you do to survive the after-school hours? Here are a few tips:

1) Approach with Empathy

Just like adult, kids and teens can go through a lot of difficult situations during the course of their day. This can include negative feedback from teachers, conflict with peers, and being asked to focus continuously.

So when you see your child or teen irritable or downcast, assume that something happened, even if they cannot express that to you. Know that their apparent disrespect is not directed to you. It is an expression of their internal discomfort or distress.

2) Give them Space

Check in with your child. Some kids and teens love telling you about their day. Others, not so much. Short answers, ignoring you, and not responding may indicate that they need space.

Offer help and understanding, but if they do not respond don’t press further. Give them some time then re-engage periodically.

3) Have a consistent routine

Routines are important because they help children and teens know what to expect next, reducing possible anxiety or stress. Consistent routines can also help cue the body and mind to wind down.

4) Avoid overscheduling

Many parents understandably want their child or teen to participate in many activities and have varied experiences. However, many families (especially those with more than 1 child) often face overscheduling.

Oversheduling leads to stress (making sure everyone is one time, has the right equipment, etc) which take away from the enjoyment of the activity. How do you resist overscheduling? Make sure to schedule time to do absolutely nothing.

5) Offer healthy snacks / hydration

Another way to deal with after-school grumpiness is to have healthy snacks and water ready for your child or teen as soon as they get home. You can even send them with a snack to eat on the way home if they take the bus. This will help to tide them over until dinner and can cure ‘hangry’ dispositions.

6) Incorporate physical activity

Physical activity (particularly outside) can help kids and teens who feel like they have been cooped up all day at school. It is also a great stress reliever for everyone. After school is therefore the perfect time for kids to run around and burn off some energy, whether it’s an organized activity, going to the park, or having a family dance party.

Recognizing When to Seek Help: Child Psychotherapy Services

Dr. Leon is a skilled child psychologist who can help parents and children with emotional regulation, difficult behaviours and anxiety or low mood. Take the first step and schedule a consultation today to learn the right tools to support and manage your child’s difficulties.

Frequently Asked Questions

My child has a meltdown as soon as I start talking about homework, what should I do?

As parents we know that it’s important for our kids and teens to stay on top of their homework and not fall behind. But kids and teens also need to have down time. Create a routine that incorporates both and works for your family. Review as often as necessary.

Keep in mind that chronic avoidance or averseness to homework can be a sign of a learning disorder/ADHD. Talk to your child or teen’s teacher about their progress and ask for a psychoeducational assessment if necessary.

Should I let my child watch TV after school?

This is a personal decision as a family. Watching TV is not inherently bad or good for kids, there is research supporting both (although keep in mind that the research is mostly negative when it comes to social media). The most important thing to consider when making this family decision is whether watching TV is taking time away from the essential things in the child or teen’s life. For example, if your child or teen has tons of TV but they spend very little time with you, playing outside or doing their homework, then yes, it is time to change the family rules.

My child is very energetic, should I enrol them in a competitive sport?

Enrol them in a sport, yes. Competitive sport? That depends. Most (but perhaps not all) competitive sports, by definition, put performance above enjoyment. Although some children feel that competitive sports are rewarding and can derive a strong sense of pride from it, other children can become more anxious and develop perfectionistic tendencies as a result.

In Summary

After-school restraint collapse refers to the phenomenon where children display behavioral issues or meltdowns after suppressing their emotions and behavior at school. To address after-school restraint collapse, allow children time to decompress after school by engaging in relaxation, physical activities or providing a comfortable environment where they feel safe expressing their emotions without judgment.

Dr. Stephanie Leon

Dr. Leon is a clinical psychologist and neuropsychologist practicing in the province of Ontario and Quebec. She works with children, teens, and their parents to address emotional, behavioural, and cognitive difficulties. Dr. Leon offers online psychology services through the Leon Psychology Clinic.

Learn more about Dr. Leon

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WORRIED ABOUT JEALOUSY TOWARDS THE NEW BABY? A GUIDE TO PREPARING YOUR TODDLER FOR A NEW SIBLING

WORRIED ABOUT JEALOUSY TOWARDS THE NEW BABY? A GUIDE TO PREPARING YOUR TODDLER FOR A NEW SIBLING

Posted on by Dr. Stephanie Leon

Expecting a second (or third, or fourth!) baby? Congrats! Here are a few tips on how to prepare and manage your eldest’s jealousy.

WORRIED ABOUT JEALOUSY TOWARDS THE NEW BABY? A GUIDE TO PREPARING YOUR TODDLER FOR A NEW SIBLING

You are excited about the new life growing inside your belly, but also a bit apprehensive. How will my eldest react? Will they play together? Will my oldest feel neglected during the first few months? Will they get jealous?

Sibling jealousy is a common concern. Let’s discuss what steps you can take for the transition to be smoother for your oldest child(ren).

Before the birth

– Communicate the news

Tell your child about the baby in your tummy. There is no specific time when to do this but take into consideration the child’s age and ability to understand. Typically, a few months in advance when you start showing is a good time. Remind them often that there is a baby coming and share your excitement!

– Read

Read to your child a few books about the arrival of a new sibling so they know what to expect. For example, that mommy will spend a few days at the hospital while grandparents stay over. Since births can be unpredictable you can start reading these books around the time you tell them about the baby in your tummy.

– Play

You may want to engage your child in play (with a doll or teddy) so they can practice having a baby. But be clear that a baby will be able to move, cry, and will need to be handled gently.

– Involve your oldest

A few weeks before the birth, bring your oldest along at the store to pick out an outfit or a toy for their new sibling. It can help them feel more excited and feel included in the process.

After the birth

–Purchase a toy

Your oldest might be very excited to meet their new sibling. However, they might see the baby getting showered with new gifts. Consider purchasing a small gift to give your oldest in the first few days after the birth.

– Quality time

Once the baby is born, make time every day for one-on-one quality with your oldest, this will reduce the likelihood of jealousy. Also make sure to include lots of hugs and physical contact as this is comforting and reassuring to children.

– Involve your oldest

If your oldest appears interested, involve them in taking care of the baby. This can include fetching items like diapers and toys or helping at bath time.

– Do not reprimand harshly

Allow them to touch the baby. Do not scold or reprimand if they are rough, instead show then how you would like them to be gentle. Your oldest might also want to play with the baby’s toys. Allow them to do this, they will eventually get bored and move back to their own.

– Creative play

Your oldest might be impatient to play with the baby. Think of some games that require no participation from the baby, like playing peek-a-boo and singing to the baby.

– Providing opportunities to be a ‘big boy’ or ‘big girl’

Sometimes the baby can appear to have a lot of new and fun things (new toys, special chair, etc.) which can make your oldest jealous. Providing opportunities for activities or things that ‘are not for the baby and only for big boys/girls’ can create a sense of balance. Your oldest will feel like they have something special too.

Behavioural regression

It is expected that the older child(ren) will experience some level of adjustment to their new sibling. After all, their routine has changed, relatives and parents might be spending less time with them, there might be physical changes in the home and the baby’s cries and needs might be annoying to them.

Signs of behavioural regression can include:

  • Asking to wear a diaper again despite being potty trained.
  • Soiling their clothes or wetting the bed in a child that was previously potty trained.
  • Asking to be helped with eating and getting dressed when they did this independently.
  • Asking for a pacifier
  • Wanting to be held constantly or ride the stroller (if they stopped doing this)
  • Not being able to play alone.

In other words, anything that makes them more baby-like.

What should you do about behavioural regressions?

The number one thing is to arm yourself with patience. This can be hard if you are also contending with lack of sleep and a needy baby.

Do not get angry or react intensely to these behaviours. Acknowledge that they might want to do like the baby but that they are no longer a baby. If you want to indulge them a little bit at first, that’s ok (e.g., letting them taste the baby food). But then gently encourage them to go back to what they were doing previously.

Children innately want to grow up and be more independent and they will eventually give up their baby-like behaviours once they see no value in them. Providing opportunities to be a ‘big boy’ or ‘big girl’ can help some kids move along, for others it can simply be a question of time.

Seeking Professional Help: Parent Consultation

Dr. Leon is a skilled pediatric psychologist who works with children and parents on a range of behaviours, including sibling jealousy. If you are concerned about the transition for your eldest child, a parent consultation might be the best place to start.

Frequently Asked Questions

Will I see signs of jealousy or regression as soon as I bring my new baby home?

Probably not. For most kids, there will be an initial period of excitement. Then, once the novelty wears off (this can take days to weeks or even months) you might see these signs.

Do all older siblings get jealous?

No, not necessarily. Whether your oldest gets jealous usually depends a bit on their personality and on how much they feel the baby is taking away from your attention and time. It can also depend on the oldest child’ age. By using the tips above, you can reduce the chances of your oldest getting overly jealous.

What do I do if my oldest starts asking to wear a diaper or use a pacifier again?

It is normal for older siblings (particularly in the toddler years) to experience behavioural regression when a new baby arrives. Do not scold or reprimand them, instead highlight the disadvantages of being a baby (e.g., going to bed earlier, not being able to eat snacks) and advantages of being independent.  

In Summary

Preparing your toddler for a new sibling involves discussing the upcoming changes positively and emphasizing their role as a big brother or sister, encouraging their involvement in baby-related tasks to foster a sense of inclusion and importance. Reading books about new siblings, spending quality time together, and addressing their concerns or questions can help ease the transition, ensuring they feel loved and secure during this significant family change.

Dr. Stephanie Leon

Dr. Leon is a clinical psychologist and neuropsychologist practicing in the province of Ontario and Quebec. She works with children, teens, and their parents to address emotional, behavioural, and cognitive difficulties. Dr. Leon offers online psychology services through the Leon Psychology Clinic.

Learn more about Dr. Leon

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TROUBLESHOOTING POTTY TRAINING ISSUES: 5 COMMON PROBLEMS AND HOW TO ADDRESS THEM

TROUBLESHOOTING POTTY TRAINING ISSUES: 5 COMMON PROBLEMS AND HOW TO ADDRESS THEM

Posted on by Dr. Stephanie Leon

Potty training can be very easy but only if your child is ready!

TROUBLESHOOTING POTTY TRAINING ISSUES: 5 COMMON PROBLEMS AND HOW TO ADDRESS THEM

Children differ in how fast they walk and talk and same goes for potty training. Some children are ready to potty train earlier than others; some can be potty trained before 2 years of age some after 4.

When children are ready and parents are consistent, most children can be daytime potty trained within a week or two. For other children, it can take longer.

In this article we will cover common issues that arise during potty training and discuss how to address them:

Fears

Toddlers can have unusual fears that don’t make sense to adults. When it comes to toilet training, a common one is a fear of falling in the toilet. This fear can be easily addressed by offering a child seat or potty before graduating to a regular toilet.

Other fears don’t have such a practical solution, such as being afraid that something will come out of the toilet, being worried about their poop leaving (separation fear), and fear of pain.

If your child appears resistant about sitting on a toilet, ask them whether they are afraid. Allow your child to express that fear and ask questions in a non-judgemental way to better understand it.

You can provide feedback and information at whether their fear is valid, but make sure not to trivialize or laugh away their fear. If this is impeding their potty training, it is clearly something that they think is important.

If the fear is related to pain, then your child might be experiencing some level of constipation or diarrhea. In some instances, children might remember and be afraid to experience it again. In this case, you can validate the experience and reassure them that the pain will not happen every time.

Children with a more anxious temperament might not be as easily reassured or comforted when fears are addressed. Be patient.

Withholding and Constipation

Withholding is the conscious effort to prevent a bowel movement. Some children withhold due to fear, not being ready or needing a sense of control.

It comes to no surprise that frequent withholding leads to constipation due to the child learning to ignore their body’s signals and because stagnant stool leads to blockages.

Frequent constipation often causes pain when the child finally does have a bowel movement, in turn increasing their avoidance of bowel movements. Signs your child is constipated include decreased appetite, small hard stools, and expressions of pain during a bowel movement.

This vicious cycle can be broken by increasing the body’s signals and reducing the likelihood of constipation through dietary changes. Here are a few basic suggestions:

  • Water: Increase your child’s water intake. Avoid high sugary drinks like fruit juices and sodas. Milk can be hydrating but should not replace water. Too much dairy can increase risk of constipation in some toddlers.
  • High Fiber foods: Prioritize high-fiber foods, such as most fruits, vegetables and oatmeal. You can increase vegetable intake indirectly by adding it to smoothies, tomato sauces and soups. Reduce refined sugars (cookies, cake, candy, prepackaged snacks).

Do you have a picky eater or have more questions on how to make these dietary changes? Connecting with your primary care provider or a registered child dietician can help.

Using the Wrong Reinforcer

All children are motivated by parental praise. High-fives, hugs, smiles, and verbal expressions of pride can go a long way in increasing any behaviour including potty training and should always be used first.

However, praise is not sufficient for some toddlers. Generally, children will be motivated by different things, depending on their temperament and preferences. Some children are motivated by tangible reinforcers like treats, stickers, or permissions. Others are motivated by social modeling or a desire to be more independent.

Figuring out what motivates your child can help move potty training along. Keep in mind the following when using reinforcers:

  • If you are using tangible reinforcers, make sure they are of token value (e.g., one gummy bear instead of a bag of candy, one sticker instead of a new toy and 10 more minutes of TV instead of a movie before bedtime).
  • Children who are motivated by a desire for independence or by social modeling, might benefit from watching other children or parents go to the washroom or helping younger children get potty trained. For these children, you can encourage them by asking if they want to be like their sibling, friend or cousin.

Life Transitions

You should avoid potty training just before or after a big change in your child’s life. For example, its not a good idea to start potty training when the child is starting a new daycare, moving homes, adjusting to a new sibling, or experiencing parental separation.

Children need to focus on adapting to these transitions and your attempts at potty training are more likely to be met with failure and frustration creating a negative experience for them.

So when is the right time? There is no perfect timing but aim for a few quiet weeks where you can concentrate on potty training.

Regression

Similarly, potty-trained toddlers can experience a regression in their potty training when confronted with big life changes. Even older children can experience a few day-time accidents or bed wetting.

Such a regression is completely normal. What you need to do is to arm yourself with a lot of patience.

If your child has been fully poly potty trained before, then they have the emotional and physical capacity to go to the washroom on their own. They will go back to being fully potty train once they have adapted to the new situation. It is really a question of time and how much support and understanding we provide during the transition.

I Have Tried These Strategies, and Nothing Seems to Work!

Although several strategies you can use as a parent to help your child become potty trained (including the strategies described above) many things are outside your control. A child might not be physiologically, physically, emotionally, or cognitively ready to potty train.

Forcing a child to potty train too early and it may result in increased meltdowns and trantrums, loss of self-esteem and confidence, and fears which can all in themselves delay readiness.

If your child does not start to react favorably within 1-3 weeks, stop and try again in 2-3 months.

Seek Professional Help: Parent Consultation

Dr. Leon is an experienced and dedicated psychologist who works with children and their parents on a variety of behaviours, including potty training. If you are struggling with potty training even after having put in place the strategies described above, a parent consultation can help you and your child.

For further reading:

  • General potty training book: Oh Crap! Potty Training: Everything Modern Parents Need to Know to Do It Once and Do It Right – by Jamie Glowacki
  • Children’s book for children who withhold: It Hurts When I Poop! : A Story For Children Who Are Scared To Use the Potty – by Dr. Howard J. Bennett

Frequently Asked Questions

How can I be supportive of my child if they have accidents or experience a regression?

The most important thing is to not punish or shame them when they have accidents. Normalise that this can happen and that you will help them get to the washroom the next time. Support your child by expressing your firm belief that in time they will stop having accidents.

Can I give my child a laxative if he is withholding and constipated?

There are over-the-counter medications that can help with occasional constipation in children. These medications are not to be used continuously but can help break the cycle of withholding and constipation. Note that you should always ask your primary care provider first before using any new medications or if your child is experiencing chronic constipation. Your primary care provider will also be able to rule out uncommon but serious medical conditions that can cause constipation.

How do I know if my child is ready to be potty trained?

Factors associated with readiness include being capable of taking off diaper/underwear on their own, being able to access a bathroom on their own, showing interest in being potty trained, showing signs that they know a bowel movement is coming, feeling upset or ashamed when they soil their diaper, asking for their diapers to be changed, going longer periods of time without their diapers getting wet. A combination of 3 or more of these is probably a sign that you can start talking to your child about potty training.

In Summary

Troubleshooting potty training issues involves maintaining patience and consistency while identifying potential triggers, such as stress or changes in routine, that might affect the child’s progress. Adapting the potty training approach, offering positive reinforcement, and avoiding punishment can help address challenges, creating a supportive environment for the child to learn and succeed in their potty training journey.

Dr. Stephanie Leon

Dr. Leon is a clinical psychologist and neuropsychologist practicing in the province of Ontario and Quebec. She works with children, teens, and their parents to address emotional, behavioural, and cognitive difficulties. Dr. Leon offers online psychology services through the Leon Psychology Clinic.

Learn more about Dr. Leon

Found this helpful? Share with a friend!

PARENTAL BURNOUT: PUTTING SELF-CARE AT THE HEART OF PARENTING

PARENTAL BURNOUT: PUTTING SELF-CARE AT THE HEART OF PARENTING

Posted on by Dr. Stephanie Leon

Simple yet effective ways for parents to care for themselves in order to prevent parental burnout.

PARENTAL BURNOUT: PUTTING SELF-CARE AT THE HEART OF PARENTING

Raising kids can be one of the most life-changing and rewarding periods of your life, but it can also be exhausting and overwhelming.

Parents typically make their kids their top priority, sometimes even putting them above their own needs. But parents need to make time for themselves so they can continue to be at their best.

If they don’t, they run the risk of having a parental burnout.

What is parental burnout?

You probably have heard of burnout in the context of work. But a burnout can happen in any situation where there is chronic stress stemming from the feeling that the demands put on you are greater than your capacity to address them.

For parental burnout, this includes feelings of being overwehlmed by the parenting role and being ineffective as a parent.

Signs of parental burnout

Common signs include:

  • Irritable, easily angered, short-fused
  • Feeling overwelmed and like you can’t keep up
  • Worries about your ability as a parent
  • Worries about your child(ren)’s wellbeing
  • Emotionally distancing yourself from your kids and others
  • Feeling hopeless and helpless
  • Increased frequency and time spent ill
  • Fatigue and changes in sleep patterns
  • Lack of enthusiasm towards things you use to enjoy
  • Resentment towards children or other parents that appear to ”have it together”

Parental burnout is most common in parents of children who have health issues, developmental concerns or have more difficult temperaments, but really it can happen to anyone.

Impact of parental burnout on the family

Research shows that parental burnout is associated with marital conflict and a higher likelihood of neglect and violence towards children. In other words, parental burnout makes you a worse partner and a worse parent.

The Oxygen Mask

When you fly on an airplane, the flight attendant instructs parents to put their own oxygen mask first before assisting their child. Why? Because if the parent tries to take care of the child first they run the risk of passing out before they can finish, endangering their child’s and their own life.

In other words, parents need to take care of themselves first so that they can be at their best to take care of their children.

Preventing and managing parental burnout through self-care

Often when we hear about self-care, it is associated with baths and candles. Although these can certainly be part of it, self-care is about turning inwards and getting in touch with our basic needs, noticing whether these are met on a daily or perhaps weekly basis. Don’t forget that certain activities can fufill more than one need!

Physical needs

This usually includes sleep, eating and exercise. Ask yourself these questions:

Are you sleeping well? Are you eating too little or too much? Are you eating foods that give you energy rather than depending on caffeine? Are you drinking enough water? Are you avoiding relying on alcohol or drugs to relax? Are you getting regular exercise?

If you answer ‘no’ to one or more, this might be an area to work on.

Social needs

This includes a need for connection with family and friends, community involvement, and intimacy with a partner. Ask yourself these questions:

Do you connect with friends and family regularly? Do you feel you can confide in people? Do you feel you can rely on them when you need help? Are you involved in your community or part of a religious group? Do you and your partner take time to kiss, hug, cuddle and be physically intimate?

If you answer ‘no’ to one or more, this might be an area to work on.

Intellectual needs

This includes the need to learn, be challenged, and be entertained. Ask yourself these questions:

Do you have a hobby or a special interest? How do you engage in this? Is there something you would like to learn?

If you answer ‘no’ to one or more, this might be an area to work on.

How can I practice self-care?

So take some time today for a self-check. Ask yourself the following questions:

  • How am I feeling?
  • Have I been neglected some aspect of my wellbeing?
  • Do I have needs that are not being fufilled?

Then, make a concrete plan for a small step to remedy this. This can be the hardest part; finding extra time in your busy family schedule, but it is possible and necessary.

Here are a few examples to help get you started:

  • Need to boost your social connection? Call a friend while driving or busing to work.
  • Need to exercise more? Go jogging on a bike path while the kids are biking
  • Want to learn something new? Listen to a podcast while doing a household chore
  • Need more alone time? Get a babysitter once every few weeks.

Experiencing a burnout right now? Get help: Parent Consultations and adult psychotherapy

Dr. Leon is a child and adolescent psychologist who is knowledgeable in parental burnout. If part of your burnout is related to feelings of ineffectiveness in your parenting, parent consultations can help you with concrete tools to address this issue.

You might also want to consider getting psychotherapy to address underlying issues such as anxiety, depression, coping mechanisms, and long standing relational patterns.

Frequently Asked Questions

Am I a bad parent because I feel overwhelmed?

No. Our society glorifies perfect parents who appear to have it all; the successful and polite kids, the high paying job, the clean house, the dutiful marriage, the great friendships and a toned body. But unless you have the financial means to hire tons of help, this is almost unattainable. No wonder many parents feel overwelmed. Stop the comparison, look at your family situation and set expectations for yourself that are realistic and healthy.

How can parental self-care benefit my child?

Self-care is a gift to our children. Showing kids that paying attention to how we feel (mental health) and take action is the best modeling we can do to ensure our children’s happiness and resilience. Self-care can also help prevent parental burnout which is associated with negative outcomes for families and children.

How can I find the time to practice self-care?

Think of times in your schedule where you can let go, delegate or eliminate. To start, it can be as simple as turning off your phone earlier to get better quality sleep instead of scrolling endlessly. Then, it can be hiring a sitter 2 hours per week so you can get a workout done or take that art class guilt-free.

How can I practice self-care when I am financially restricted?

Money troubles and tight finances are a big source of stress for many families. There are great ressources online to help struggling families to set budgets, spend less and save more. Self-care is not about spending more on yourself, it is about finding out what you need to cope with life’s challenges and finding creative ways to address that need.

In Summary


Preventing parental burnout involves prioritizing self-care, setting boundaries, and seeking support from family, friends, or professionals when needed. Addressing parental burnout requires acknowledging its signs, such as chronic fatigue or irritability, and taking proactive steps like delegating tasks, scheduling regular breaks, and seeking professional help if symptoms persist. Cultivating a supportive network, practicing stress-management techniques, and fostering open communication within the family can aid in preventing and addressing parental burnout effectively.

Dr. Stephanie Leon

Dr. Leon is a clinical psychologist and neuropsychologist practicing in the province of Ontario and Quebec. She works with children, teens, and their parents to address emotional, behavioural, and cognitive difficulties. Dr. Leon offers online psychology services through the Leon Psychology Clinic.

Learn more about Dr. Leon
5 EMOTIONAL REGULATION STRATEGIES FOR CHILDREN & TEENS

5 EMOTIONAL REGULATION STRATEGIES FOR CHILDREN & TEENS

Posted on by Dr. Stephanie Leon

Learn effective emotional regulation strategies for children and teens. Help them navigate their emotions and develop valuable coping skills for life.

5 EMOTIONAL REGULATION STRATEGIES FOR CHILDREN & TEENS

Emotional regulation is an important part of a child’s development. As parents, it’s our responsibility to help our kids learn how to manage their difficult emotions and feelings. Ultimately, we want them to develop self-regulation skills for dealing with difficult emotions on their own. 

In this article, we’ll explore five effective strategies that parents and caregivers can use for teaching emotional regulation skills to children in a healthy and constructive way.

What Is Emotional Regulation?

Emotion regulation is the essential ability to recognize, understand, and effectively manage emotional control in a healthy and balanced way, even in the face of challenging situations.

It involves being aware of your emotions, identifying them accurately, and implementing strategies to regulate their intensity and emotional expression. Just like any other skill, emotional self-regulation in children is something that is learned and developed over time.

Why Is Healthy Emotional Regulation In Children Important? 

Children with positive emotion regulation skills are better prepared to cope with life’s inevitable tragedies. When faced with difficult circumstances, they can process their emotions, seek support, and engage in self-care. This resilience helps them bounce back from adversity. 

These children are not immune to experiencing difficult emotions. In fact, the goal is not to eliminate difficult emotions, but to have the tools to manage them constructively.

5 Emotional Regulation Strategies For Children & Teens 

Here are some strategies to aid in the development of emotion regulation in kids and teens. 

  1. Teach kids to identify their feelings (emotional awareness).

The first step in regulation of emotion for children is to help them learn to identify and name their feelings, which is called emotional awareness. Encourage your child to express and name their feelings, creating a safe space for open communication.

This can be done by labeling emotions when they arise, such as saying “you seem frustrated right now” or “you seem excited right now.” This helps them to become more aware of their emotions and understand how they are feeling. Utilize visual aids, storytelling, and books to help children recognize different emotions and validate their experiences.

  1. Try some emotional regulation activities for kids. 

Another important strategy is to help kids learn to manage their emotions in a healthy way. This can be done by encouraging them to talk about how they are feeling and helping them find constructive ways to express their emotions.

For example, if they are feeling angry, they can take deep breaths, go for a walk, or draw a picture of their feelings.

  1. Teach mindfulness strategies. 

Teach your child simple mindfulness exercises such as deep breathing, finger breathing, or body scans that help them understand the connection between emotions and physical sensations. Explain that they can better manage their emotions by learning to be present in the moment.

Practice deep breathing exercises together when they are calm. Then try using it during stressful situations. For school aged children, you can introduce relaxation techniques like progressive muscle relaxation or guided imagery.

  1. Demonstrate coping strategies for managing strong emotions.

It’s also important to help children learn to manage strong emotions when they experience them. Coping strategies are activities that can help calm them down.

Activities that engage their senses can be particularly calming, such as taking a shower or bath (touch), listening to music (hearing), and swinging or dancing (proprioception).

  1. Model how to regulate emotions as a parent. 

Parent modeling is another crucial part of emotion regulation. Children learn by observing. Display healthy emotional regulation in your own behavior, showing them how to handle stress, frustration, or disappointment calmly.

You can also promote empathy by modeling empathic behaviors and encouraging your child to consider others’ perspectives and emotions. Engage in activities such as role-playing or storytelling to foster understanding. Help them grasp the impact of their actions on others’ well-being.

When parents model healthy ways of expressing emotions, such as talking through their feelings, children are more likely to learn how to do the same.

Tips for Helping Children With Poor Emotional Regulation

Create a calming environment

Designate a quiet, peaceful space where your child can retreat when overwhelmed. Fill it with comforting items like soft blankets, sensory toys, or calming music. This safe space allows them to self-regulate and find solace during intense emotions.

Practice emotional coaching

When your child experiences strong emotions, validate their feelings and help them understand the underlying reasons. Use phrases like “I see you’re feeling upset. Can you tell me what happened?” This approach helps them develop emotional intelligence and promotes self-reflection.

Establish clear expectations

Set clear boundaries and expectations regarding appropriate behavior. Clearly communicate the consequences of their actions while emphasizing the importance of emotional self-control. Consistency and follow-through are key to helping children understand the importance of emotional regulation.

Encourage physical activity

Engage your child in physical activities to help release pent-up emotions. Exercise, sports, or even a simple walk can provide a healthy outlet for their energy and emotions. Physical activity also stimulates the release of endorphins, which can improve their mood.

Use visual aids

Visual aids such as emotion charts, feeling faces, or emotion thermometers can assist your child in identifying and expressing their emotions. These tools help them develop a vocabulary for their feelings and enhance their emotional awareness.

​​Recognizing When to Seek Help: Child Psychotherapy Services

If your child continues to struggle with emotional regulation, consider seeking professional support from a therapist or psychologist experienced in working with children. Dr. Leon is an experienced clinician who is passionate about helping children and adolescents navigate emotional, behavioural, and cognitive difficulties as well as supporting parents in providing optimal parenting when faced with these challenges.

Explore Dr. Leon’s Child Psychotherapy services today to help your child gain the skills they need to regulate their emotions.

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Frequently Asked Questions

What are some effective strategies for teaching emotional regulation to children and teens?

One effective strategy is teaching deep breathing exercises or mindfulness techniques to help children and teens calm their minds and bodies during moments of heightened emotion. Another strategy is encouraging them to engage in activities that promote self-reflection, such as journaling or engaging in creative outlets like art or music. 

What are the potential benefits of practicing emotional regulation strategies in childhood and adolescence?

Practicing emotional regulation strategies in childhood and adolescence can have numerous benefits. It helps children and teens develop resilience. Emotional regulation skills can also lead to better decision-making, reduced impulsivity, and improved academic performance. These skills provide a foundation for healthier emotional well-being and mental health throughout their lives.

How can emotional regulation skills learned in childhood impact well-being in adulthood?

Emotional regulation skills learned in childhood and adolescence play a crucial role in shaping an individual’s overall well-being and success in adulthood. They contribute to better mental health outcomes and can reduce the risk of developing anxiety, depression, and other emotional disorders.

I tried breathing and meditation techniques with my child and it doesn’t work, what else can I do?

While some kids like and use breating and mindful strategies, others don’t. Try these alternative calming activities for kids:

  • Doodling /coloring on skin with erasable markers
  • Ripping paper, cutting cardboard boxes
  • Doing headstands, jumping jacks, push-ups
  • Using a swing, turning in circles
  • Making a blanket tent, weighted blanket, or special place in a closet

In Summary

Teaching emotional regulation strategies to kids is vital as it equips them with tools to manage and express their feelings constructively, fostering healthier relationships and improved self-control. It enables children to navigate challenging situations with resilience, reducing the likelihood of impulsive behavior and promoting better decision-making skills. By learning how to regulate emotions, kids can develop greater empathy, communication skills, and a stronger sense of overall well-being as they grow into adulthood.

Dr. Stephanie Leon

Dr. Leon is a clinical psychologist and neuropsychologist practicing in the province of Ontario and Quebec. She works with children, teens, and their parents to address emotional, behavioural, and cognitive difficulties. Dr. Leon offers online psychology services through the Leon Psychology Clinic.

Learn more about Dr. Leon

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ADHD IN CHILDREN: 10 TIPS FOR REACHING THEIR FULL POTENTIAL

ADHD IN CHILDREN: 10 TIPS FOR REACHING THEIR FULL POTENTIAL

Posted on by Dr. Stephanie Leon

Unlock your child’s true potential with expert guidance on navigating ADHD in children. Discover effective strategies for helping your child thrive.

ADHD IN CHILDREN: 10 TIPS FOR REACHING THEIR FULL POTENTIAL

Raising kids and teens can be quite an adventure, filled with ups, downs, and everything in between. But when your child has Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder (ADHD), the journey can come with unique challenges. That’s why I created this guide for parents on navigating ADHD in children and helping them reach their full potential.

ADHD is more than just a phase or a temporary difficulty—it’s a condition that affects millions of children and teens worldwide. But by providing the right tools, strategies, and support, you can make a tremendous difference in your child’s development and help them thrive.

What Is Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder (ADHD)?

Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder (sometimes called attention-deficit disorder or ADHD) is a neurodevelopmental disorder characterized by difficulty with inattention, hyperactivity, and/or impulsive behaviour. It’s estimated that 5-9% of children and 3-5% of adults have ADHD. One of the primary difficulties associated with ADHD is cognitive functioning, which affects a person’s thinking and reasoning.

The cognitive difficulties associated with ADHD can be divided into two main areas: executive functioning and attention/working memory.

Executive functioning

Executive functioning involves the ability to plan and organize, set goals, and regulate emotions. People with ADHD often have difficulty in these areas, making it hard for them to manage their daily activities and get tasks completed.

Attention and working memory

Attention and working memory (the ability to hold information in your mind for a brief period) are also affected in those with ADHD. This can lead to symptoms like:

  • being easily distracted
  • difficulty following directives
  • trouble completing tasks

Other cognitive issues associated with attention deficit hyperactivity disorder in children 

Other cognitive issues that those with ADHD may experience include difficulty recognizing patterns, problem-solving, and understanding abstract concepts. These difficulties can make it difficult for those with ADHD to do well in school and maintain social relationships.

ADHD Symptoms In Children

Signs of inattention:

  • Does not follow rules or instructions
  • Loses materials/belongings
  • Difficulty starting and completing tasks
  • Avoid tasks that require sustained effort
  • Gets easily distracted by self or others
  • Appears to have trouble with memory (forgetful)
  • Seems not to listen when spoken to
  • Makes careless mistakes

Talk to your child’s teacher if you notice six or more of these common symptoms. If they have detected them, too, it is recommended to get your child assessed for ADHD. Remember that some children with ADHD, particularly girls, present without impulsive symptoms or hyperactivity.

Signs & Symptoms Of Hyperactivity In Children

Signs of hyperactivity are more noticeable than signs of inattention. Teachers and school counselors are the ones who typically see it firsthand due to the demands of classroom environments. However, kids vary in their level of activity and level of maturity.

  • Very active, high energy, ‘driven by a motor’
  • Interrupting others, having trouble with social skills, and talking too much
  • Can’t wait in line or their turn when playing
  • Prone to being clumsy and having accidents
  • Squirm, fidget, pace
  • Difficulty staying silent or calm
  • Wanders and gets up constantly

When assessing hyperactivity, I always urge parents and teachers to determine if the activity/impulsivity is indeed above and beyond what a typical child would display at that age.

If you and your child’s teacher notice these signs, it is recommended to get your child assessed for ADHD.

10 Tips For Parents Managing Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder In Children

As a parent, controlling essential environmental factors at home is key. If you can help your children with ADHD live a healthy lifestyle under your roof, then you can set them up to become happy, functioning adults later in life. 

Establish a strong home routine. 

Consistency is key for children with ADHD. Create a structured daily routine with set times for waking up, meals, homework, chores, and bedtime. Having a predictable schedule can provide a sense of stability and help children stay focused.

Create an organized environment. 

Reduce distractions by organizing the child’s living space. Use storage bins, labels, and color-coding systems to keep things tidy and easily accessible. Minimize clutter and create a designated study area with minimal distractions.

Break tasks into smaller steps. 

Large tasks can be overwhelming for children with ADHD. Break them down into smaller, more manageable steps. Provide clear instructions and use visual aids or checklists to help them stay on track.

Use visual reminders. 

Visual cues can be helpful for children with ADHD to remember tasks and responsibilities. Utilize visual schedules, calendars, or timers to help them stay organized and manage time effectively.

Provide frequent breaks. 

Children with ADHD often have difficulty sustaining focus and sit still for extended periods. Allow them to take short breaks during tasks or homework sessions. Encourage physical activity during these breaks to help release excess energy.

Encourage regular exercise. 

Physical activity has been shown to benefit individuals with ADHD. Encourage your child to exercise regularly or participate in sports, dancing, or martial arts, as it can help reduce hyperactivity and improve focus.

Implement behaviour management techniques. 

Positive reinforcement and reward systems can be effective in shaping desired behaviours. Offer praise, encouragement, and rewards for completing tasks, following instructions, or exhibiting self-control.

Limit screen time. 

Although television and video games do not cause ADHD, excessive screen time can take away from other important activities. It is important to establish reasonable limits on screen time and encourage other activities, such as reading, outdoor play, or hobbies that promote engagement and focus.

Foster open communication. 

Maintain open lines of communication with your child. Listen to their concerns, frustrations, and triumphs. Work together to problem-solve and find strategies that work best for them.

Seek professional support. 

Consider involving professionals, such as therapists, psychologists, or support groups, who specialize in working with children with ADHD. They can provide guidance, coping strategies, and additional resources to support your child’s development. 

What About Medication For ADHD?

Research suggests that a combination of psychotherapy and medication is the best approach to ADHD. It appears that starting psychotherapy first can be most beneficial.

ADHD is a neurodevelopmental disorder that, by definition, presents with cognitive and behavioral symptoms from early childhood. Although symptoms often decrease in severity in adulthood, they tend to remain throughout life.

Nevertheless, with proper diagnosis, treatment, and support, children (and eventually adults) with ADHD can learn to recognize their strengths and gain self-understanding to help them lead productive and meaningful lives.

Can Cognitive Behavioral Therapy Help With ADHD?

Cognitive-behavioral therapy (CBT), a form of psychotherapy that focuses on how thoughts and beliefs influence behaviour, can help children and adolescents with ADHD. The goal of CBT and behavioral treatments may include strategies to organize their materials, plan their work, and set reminders. Setting up the home environment to support children and teens with ADHD also helps with behavioral interventions.

Parents of children with attention deficit hyperactivity disorder are usually recommended to develop and maintain consistent routines at home. They are also encouraged to model explicit organizational skills and strategies, such as a family planner or calendar.

Can ADHD Cause Emotional Issues?

ADHD can also cause a range of emotional issues, such as difficulty controlling anger and frustration, anxiety disorders, conduct disorders, and low mood. Therefore, it is important for individuals with ADHD to be aware of their emotional responses and to develop strategies to manage them.

Therapy is recommended for children with ADHD who suffer from emotional and mood disorders. During therapy, the psychotherapist or psychologist works with the patient to identify and challenge negative or automatic thoughts that may be contributing to their symptoms.

Through this process, the therapist helps the patient learn to reframe their thoughts in a more positive and helpful manner, identify triggers for their symptoms, as well as techniques for managing their emotions. Self-regulation skills can include deep breathing, mindfulness, physical activity, pleasurable activities, or sensory activities.

Risks Associated With Untreated ADHD In Children 

Allowing children with ADHD to go untreated can have several potential risks and negative consequences. 

Academic difficulties

ADHD can significantly impact a child’s academic performance. Inattention, impulsivity, and difficulties with organization can make it challenging for them to concentrate, complete assignments, and follow instructions in the classroom. Eventually, symptoms can lead to falling behind in school, lower grades, and decreased academic achievement.

Social and relationship challenges

Children with untreated ADHD may struggle with social interactions and forming positive peer relationships. Their impulsive behaviours, difficulty with turn-taking, and inattentiveness can lead to misunderstandings, conflicts, and social isolation. Unfortunately, these struggles can negatively affect their self-esteem and overall social development.

Emotional and mental health issues

ADHD is sometimes accompanied by emotional and mental health challenges. Children with untreated ADHD may experience increased frustration, anger, and irritability due to their difficulties with impulse control and managing emotions. They may also be at higher risk for developing anxiety, depression, and low self-esteem.

Risk-taking behaviour

Sometimes, children and teens with untreated ADHD can engage in impulsive and risky behaviours. Children with ADHD may engage in dangerous activities without considering the consequences, leading to accidents or injuries. Teens in particular may also be more prone to experimenting with substances, as impulsivity and thrill-seeking behaviours increase the likelihood of engaging in risky behaviours.

Long-term impact

If left untreated for too long, childhood ADHD can have long-term effects throughout life. The difficulties experienced in childhood can persist into adolescence and adulthood, impacting academic and career success, relationships, and overall quality of life. Untreated ADHD may also increase the risk of developing comorbid mental health conditions, such as anxiety disorders or substance use disorders.

Get Help: Neuropsychology Intervention

Are you ready to take the next step in supporting your child with ADHD? Dr. Leon is an experienced pediatric neuropsychologist. Explore our online neuropsychological intervention services today and discover the transformative impact they can have on your child’s life.

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Frequently Asked Questions 

I have ADHD. Will my child have ADHD? 

ADHD is highly hereditary (meaning it often occurs in families). Parents with ADHD are 40% more lilely to have a child of ADHD.

Can ADHD symptoms change as a child grows older? 

ADHD symptoms can evolve as a child matures. While hyperactivity may decrease with age, inattention and impulsivity can persist into adolescence and adulthood. Be sure to monitor and adapt strategies at home to address changing needs.

Are there any specific parenting techniques or strategies that can help children with ADHD? 

Several parenting techniques can benefit children with ADHD. These include establishing clear rules and expectations, using positive reinforcement, providing structure and routine, breaking tasks into manageable steps, and promoting open communication. Consider exploring parent consultation services to learn more. 

How can I effectively communicate with my child’s teachers about their ADHD and support their educational needs? 

Share information about your child’s ADHD diagnosis, discuss their strengths and challenges, and collaborate on strategies to support their learning in the classroom. Regular check-ins, progress updates, and an individualized education plan (IEP) can facilitate effective communication and support.

Are there any dietary or lifestyle changes that can help ADHD management in children? 

While no specific diet has been proven to cure ADHD, some evidence suggests that a balanced diet rich in omega 3s, fruits, vegetables, whole grains, and lean proteins is best for brain health. Additionally, regular exercise, adequate sleep, and low-stress can contribute to overall well-being and can minimize the impact of ADHD symptoms. Consulting with a healthcare professional or a registered dietitian can provide personalized guidance.

In Summary

You can support ADHD kids by establishing clear routines and structures to help them stay organized and focused, breaking tasks into manageable steps with regular breaks to avoid overwhelm. Utilizing positive reinforcement and praising their efforts to boost confidence and motivation, while also employing strategies like visual aids, timers, and frequent check-ins to help them stay on track and manage their time effectively is also crucial. Finally, encourage their interests and strengths, fostering a supportive environment that celebrates their accomplishments and provides outlets for their creativity and energy.

Dr. Stephanie Leon

Dr. Leon is a clinical psychologist and neuropsychologist practicing in the province of Ontario and Quebec. She works with children, teens, and their parents to address emotional, behavioural, and cognitive difficulties. Dr. Leon offers online psychology and neuropsychology services through the Leon Psychology Clinic.

Learn more about Dr. Leon

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